And we're live in 5...

Signing on…

Ever heard the saying, ”what happiness lacks in length, it makes up for in height”? I have. Tearing that line apart you actually begin to wonder what the heck it’s talking about… I mean, besides the newly coupled and the recently fortunate, who’s been overjoyed for quite a bit lately? With school starting for most, and work never ending for the rest… has anybody really been “happy” for a while lately? I mean we’ve got an onslaught of break-ups, lay-off’s, fights that have been going on for ages and work that just can’t seem to stop piling up… tons of reasons why life tends to suck lately. But my recent and personal favorite kind of “unhappiness” is missing people.

Ever miss anyone so bad you walk around with a gaping hole inside? It’s located right above your stomach and kinda right below your sternum… kinda hollow and weighs a lot? Like your whole facial muscle structure gets yanked down along with it sometimes you’d think you were sinking along with your face?

Uh-huh.. that’s the one. But for the purposes of this entry I’d like to isolate all the “missing” to the kind directed at people you know you’re gonna see again in your lifetime but cannot get enough of. People you miss so much you’d think you were going crazy ‘cause you know you’re seeing them again someday but just can’t seem to get enough of.

You think you’re going nuts ‘cause its not like you’ll never see them again… it just goes against all logic why you’d feel rotten over something that’s pretty much not permanent. So you don’t see them now? Big deal! You’ll see ‘em soon enough. But then again that’s the logic part.

Everybody knows but rarely says out loud that you miss people ‘cause the time you spend with them leaves a mark on you. A conversation can last for hours sure… but the effects of that could touch you so much it would last you months leaving you wanting more. It actually the time you shared and spent that make people matter to you. That’s why you miss them. As to what kind of time you spend… that’s also part of the whole “what makes you miss them” package,

There’s humor… everybody knows (and rarely notices they know) that there are only a few ppl in the world that you can laugh with to the point of tears. We’re talking rolling all over the floor, asthma inducing, can barely physically laugh but you still end up laughing some more kind of laughter. How many people in the world can you laugh with or can make you laugh that way? Laughter that wells from your spirit is that kind that’s both shallow in logic but deep in resonance between people. It’s the lighter side of life that we forget sometimes. Think about it. When was the last time you were with someone who made you laugh so hard? Or when was the last time you laughed so hard with somebody? Doesn’t laughing that way endear people to you ‘cause you share some same vantage point about the good things in life. Kinda makes you feel less alone…

And what about crying? in the spirit of these depressing times… when was the last time you cried to someone who really, really understood why you ended up broken for the moment? Who are your confidants? Aren’t there people in your life that you’d immediately think about if your next two immediate options were sedatives or just curling up into a ball and crying? Not just some random sympathizer but the person you can look all puffy-eyed, tear streaked and runny-nosed in front of and will still hug, wipe your… face and hold you till you’re too tired to cry. Going with the “misery finds company” approach, chances are these people have gone through or are going through the same thing as you are… why the heck do you think they know so much about it? Everybody knows shared pain has got to be one of the most timeless “bonding” activities. At least you aren’t the only one being driven insane by something… other people are too… and for the same reasons. Again, the world is a less lonely place…

I told a good friend of mine that things that matter to you are measured in “heart-time” not “real-time” (Got half of that wisdom from a book called “under the mermaid angel” by the way). That “heart-time” factor is the height happiness has to offer that you’d willingly trade for the length that it doesn’t last in “real-time”. It how nice things are with people that make you remember them and love them so much you’d want more of that nice feeling. The feeling of not being alone in the world, the feeling of someone finally understanding what it’s like to feel things the way you do, laugh at the things you find funny as well, cry over things that have hurt you both…. Everything that reminds you that you aren’t the only one left of your kind….

Obviously there are people right now that I wish were here.. physically and tangibly so as for the hugging and affection to ensue. But that’s the curse of “real-time”. It usually lasts longer. Kind of explains why depression is such a killer… it’s both damaging to “heart-time” and stays with you in “real-time”…. But that’s for another entry. Haha, maybe for Valentines Day.

For now I leave you with thoughts of laughter and tears… and the poor un/fortunate souls you share them with. May they be closer to you in your time of need and may you always remember: heart-time matters more. It’s how we make friends… its why we miss them.


Signing off….

signing on....

so scent is the most pwerful memory trigger... mom baking cookies, bedsheets, even old cabinets and drawers have a smell that will seriously take you back.

first there are the childhood/home smells... these are all your favorite pillowcases, comforters, couches and room smells that you swear will never leave you. that strange mix of "storage cabinet" and "detergent/fabric softener" only your household can produce will be so disitnct... try living away from home and smelling fresh laundry done elsewhere and you're bound to look for that "scent" from home. all those nights spent curled up inder the sheets, or those afternoons on your couch...

then there are your school smells... from cafeteria food, all the way to principal's office (assuming you were ever sent there enough times)... you just cannot grow up not rememebring smells from school. how many times have ppl opened their lunchboxes and you knew exactly what kind of sandwhich has been waiting to be eaten since 6pm when mom packed it in? think of the "lunchbox smell" ppl! my brother's batch called the "kulob" smell the "genie"... you know that after hours of being in that box, the smell is bound to emanate.... (can you imagine the cheap tv editing where scents are colored green or blue depending on how good the food is?)... and how about orange juice? or hotdogs? or barbeque?

of course there are a bazillion other categories like college (xerox machine scents anyone?), work (gotta love thos eindustrial sized aircons), church (incense much?)... hospital.... etc. if ppl were to rank which smells mean the most.... actually ppl dont do that cuz smell is something we take for granted... and that has nothing to do with the fact that we're one ofthe biggest "sense of smell" idiots in the animal kingdom... (yes, its a hard truth that the human race is one of the species with the least prowess in smelling)...

so here's a question for ya. what smell matters most to you? and i don't mean what would you rather smell like... i mean what scent triggers the most memories or the most emotions? flowers from your first love/ex (ganda ng contrast no?)... perfume... food... what scents will take you back and which one the most?

took me a while to realize the most important to me was the rain. the few in my circle would know what it's like to have the rain remind you of a place and time you know you should be but can't seem to go to anymore... like it was a home you cannot go to yet... tons of nostalgia... all tha jazz.

anyways, go ask yourself? smell anything lately that takes you back? i do when it rains.


signing off.....

signing on.....


ever played resident evil? well i just had a "timer-with-tyrant/boss-on-your-heels" moment when i was parking in citibank's basement parking.

the basement looks like every other basement parking lot but the difference tonight? alarms. yup. i had to turn the music down to hear it but right beforei p arked i heard sirens blaring... imagine my sudden pang of panic.

bomb threat? terrorist attack? fire? who knew it was an alarm check? thank god i saw a guard... was ready to high-tail it outta that basement... i ain't gonna spend the rest of the week buried under debris or dead.

but that resident evil flashback (sirens and threats and all) sorta brings me back to my "loving the scary stuff" days... when vampires were the coolest thing on earth and all i ever watched was scary movies...

but there hasn't been a decent suspenmse thriller since the scream series.. and even that grew old pretty quick... of course there's the creepy asian horror film genre but they cheat with sounds... not story.


but get me started on movies that should be scary and ill end up ranting for hours.. not a pretty picture. so here's a toast to survival horror games and the subconscious stuff it does to you (specially when your in basments with alrams goin off... i swear i alsmost heard the deep growly voice saying *S.T.A.R.S.!!!!*)


signing off.....

signing on....


after watching apocalypse movies where the supposed love interests are left with five minutes before the world ends... it kinda makes you think we non-movie folk end up sitting on our proverbial backsides thinking tomorrow's another day with more to come...

so i guess we're talking "taking stuff for granted" city. i mean, if you were put in those compromising situations where you knew you only had the next ten minutes to live... what would you do? how would you feel? what would you say and who would you rather be with?

so here's how the scenario works. you're gonna a die and there's just enough time left to do whatever it is that you thought you'd never do anytime soon but will now 'cause you know the world's gonna end or whatever.... its kinda the theme question im throwin into the void this week... (stupid apocalypse movies)... its an interesting question because when faced with that scenario... you will end up admitting things to yourself that you never thought you would on a normal day....

at least thats the theory....

cause all we have is the monotonous everyday "thing" that we assume will never let up. sure we know we'll all die and that anything can happen but we jsut end up being so caught up in everything we do that we end up taking things for granted.

when was the last time you told ppl you cared about them... or that you stopped to pause to remember the exact sound of their voice or color of their eyes (well shape anyway cause mostly everyone here has dark ones...)?

so to end this cheeze fest before i start "encouraging" you to start singing or something... lets leave it at question thrown... scenarios pondered... and watch "the core".. asteeeg siyaaaa. its like a super b movie. hehe

signing off

signing on....


keeping people together isn't as simple as it looks... nor should it be. its when nobody has time and everyone's too preoccupied with stuff that real unity is tested..

but unity is like a team thing... friendship aint always a team thing cuz you gotta let people fight their own battles whilst you "prod encouragemnt from the sidelines"... i guess then it's more of a togetherness and loyalty thing...

so what then should be done? not much really. its a matter of holiding on to the right things... the things that remind you of why people started mattering to you in the first place. its not about oding stuff for each other and getting something out of it... its about holding on to what it is that makes a person dear to you and promising to be there when you can for them.

if everybody did their part there'd be a lot less lonely feeling people who shouldn't have been feeling that way in the first place.. take my freaks for example... its not about feeling good at gimmicks.. its about believeing in something that we've found in each other. if everybody is on the same page... it doesn't matter how much they've "read"... so long as everybody's there, aint none of that gonna blow over.

so here's to the things we love and the thigns we'd do to fight for that. here's to the reasons we all stay and hold. here's to you out there who know this humble writer and the pains we all take to keep true to each other. no goodbye's right gab?

signing off....